28 September 2010

dear diary.

I just put Henrik to bed for the 207th time, something I will never take for granted despite it happening every single night.  Every night around the same time, after a hectic day provided by life, the lights in the house are turned off and we sit, Henrik in my arms and me in the rocking chair.  It really is my favorite time of the day, a chance to finally breath and think about how lucky I am to have these precious moments with my son.  I whisper in his almost 7 month old ears all the secrets I know about life, some I assure him we will someday learn together.  I sing to him sweet simple songs that I hope he will always remember and find comforting.  He snuggles tight into my arms, where he fits so perfectly, but everyday makes my arms stretch even more around him--a different kind of clock reminding me of how fast time goes.  But tonight he did something different than usual.  Tonight, when I laid him in his crib, just after I could feel his tiny body finally relax into a slumber while peacefully sucking away on his new pacifier, he turned away, his back to me, and snuggled into his own comfortable position.  A position I didn't provide for him this time--the 207th time.  It made me start to think he was starting to become less reliable on me--a scary thought for a parent, especially a new one.  It seems I have become so accustomed to taking care of this baby, providing him life's necessities of care and love, but tonight, he didn't need me to put him in a likable sleeping position, he did it all by himself.  Such a crazy feeling for a new mother and maybe I'm making a big deal out of such a small gesture, but it is a feeling of sadness because he is growing so quickly and soon will not need me for such simple tasks such as feeding him or rocking him to sleep. But it is also a feeling of excitement because this is what it is all about, watching this tiny thing we brought into this world become, well, something capable of hopes, dreams, passions and ambitions.  I know this is only a small step in the giant world of parenting, but this is what my life has been for the last 207 nights, which is still very new to me (and scary).  I suppose this has become more of a personal journal entry, but I must also say that for the last 68 nights I've been trying to take care of my community the best I know how, just like I do for Henrik. And I guess I have the same hopes for Windom.  I'm hoping someday it will become something full of not only hopes and dreams, but passions and ambitions. Just a small step in the giant world of possibilities in Windom.

Goodnight sweet Windom, goodnight.

1 comment:

  1. Mari, what a beautiful entry, I wish I could see the world and life as beautiful and as passionate as you. I will strive from this day forward to hope and dream as you do. Thank you for your inspiration......